my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
