i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
