areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
