Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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