All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
