You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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