Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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