I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
