We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
