Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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