What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
