Sry I called you an 8
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
