so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
