it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
