Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
