Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
