he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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