does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
