some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
