Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
