I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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