does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
