I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
