Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
