She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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