hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
