woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
