This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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