I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
