Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
