I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
