ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Screwed.edu
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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