There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
