she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
