Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
