Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
