i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
