yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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