when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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