omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
