We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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