I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Drunk is not a location!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
