apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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