I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just googled if crying burns calories
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
