She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
