Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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