Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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