ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
