No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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