This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
